Below is the text of a series of posts on my story from April 2024 in which I used an anonymous survey to ask my followers who don't mask why they don't mask. The bolded text represents the responses I received, and my responses to them. (Pardon any errors - the text was extracted using an [OCR software)

hey y'all. it's been on my mind a lot lately. I worry that I come off as judgemental, which is not my intention, but I am confused by how many progressive people I see around me who, despite knowing the risks to vulnerable people, continue to not mask or take precautions to keep others safe.

I want to understand better and engage in a dialogue around this, but when I post about it, people who don't mask, don't reply. I think it's out of a sense of shame, or maybe annoyance. so, I've made a NGL page so people can answer the question anonymously. I will share

responses to my story, and share my thoughts as well, but I will do my best to do so openly and without judgement. so, please tell me at the link below: why don't you mask? what would need to happen for you to start masking?

I think it has just become habit NOT to wear a mask, just as it became habit to wear one when the pandemic first started. There are probably other reasons as well but thats what comes to mind first.

I can see that. As with many things, it's a practice. I've found that it helps me to keep masks in accessible places -- in bags, by my front door, in my car. That way I'm not caught without one. As someone with ADHD, that's kind of a must for me.

I can also see there being an added layer of resistance being tied to masking and it being tied to the initial widespread fear at the onset of the pandemic, which might make it harder to get in the process automatically. I know I felt a sort of relief once vaccines were available, and shifting back into a practice that was tied to such a dark time mentally has come with certain challenges. But I think I'd be present with the fear regardless, now that I am more aware of the scope of Covid's damage.

Allowing myself to be really present with the reality of COVID, by following long COVID/disability justice accounts, also helps remind me daily of just how high the stakes are, rather than being pulled into the same false sense of security that our government wants us in, with vulnerable people designated an inevitable sacrifice to the machine of normalcy.

I got really tired of being the only one. I know it sounds terrible but it made me so anxious to be the only person and I chose to stop because it felt easier.

I hear that. I have also heard that in some political climates, mask wearing has led to hostility from anti-maskers. It can be a lot to wrestle with.

Something that helps me when I feel that anxiety is remembering just how much comfort I feel when I'm near someone who is masking versus when I'm near someone who isn't, and the joy I feel when I find out a space I'm participating in is mask mandatory. I want to be someone that people can feel safe in the presence of, and that includes doing what I can to support folks who are at risk and immunocompromised. I think that we can influence our communities by masking, not just by limiting the risk of spreading the virus(es), but by making other people feel comfortable in starting to mask again. We can also take the time to encourage and recognize others for keeping their communities safe.

On that note, shout out to @lavenderartcollective who hosts mask mandatory events and artist markets in Denver. When I found out your events were mask mandatory, I felt so much gratitude! Go check them out.

I don't mask because of what I've learned about the virus. The size of the virus, the way it spreads, the benefits of being vaccinated and the progress we made with healing long Covid all these things make me feel It's better to vaccinate and mask if you are ill not under everyday circumstances tho

I'm curious to know more about what research you've seen that's provided that comfort, because it feels very contrary to what I've heard about covid.

let's say the virus had a very low risk of causing death
and complications for most people: it doesn't change the
fact that the virus still poses an increased risk for people
who are at-risk, immunocompromised, have pre-existing
conditions, etc. and we owe it to our communities to
practice caution to keep those who are more vulnerable
safe.

but I would argue that there is still too much progress
that needs to occur with regard to understanding and
healing the affects of COVID on the body. with 3/10
people who get COVID reporting long COVID symptoms,
some of which are debilitating, I find that to be too much
of a risk to take lightly. beyond the statistics, the time I've
spent in long COVID forums trying to find answers to my
own symptoms, and the stories I've read there of people
who have been struggling with the effects of LC for years,
make me present to a very different experience of the
risks of repeat COVID infections.

to each their own, but in my experience, wearing a mask
feels like a small compromise to make to reduce the risks
of worsening long COVID, at least for me.

I don't mask anymore largely due to being harassed and threatened when doing so in public. And it feels useless when no one else is

that makes sense. being harassed is a huge barrier. maybe it would be worth considering risk reduction, and not wearing masks when you're in spaces you know might be unsafe, but wearing a mask when you're in a space that you know might have people who, while not masking themselves, are not going to respond to masking with hostility. if there are no spaces like the latter near you, I'm so sorry.

even if you're the only one masking, you can still mitigate risk. for instance, there was an outbreak of COVID in a hotel in Switzerland in 2020. the people who got sick were the people not masking, while the masked people didn't get sick. With a good quality mask and good seal, you can reduce the risk.

I've also been using COVID nasal spray to mitigate risk when I'm in groups. you can utilize a few layers of protection for added safety.

here is an article about wearing a mask when no one else is and how that affects chances of getting COVID. a surgical mask won't help much, but a respirator makes a big dent in the chances (with the biggest dent, of course, being when everyone is masking)

It's many things. Exhaustion, lack of info, false sense of security, a wish to return to "normal", forgetting to and more.

I get it. those factors all contributed to the time when I wasn't masking.

it was unfortunately being present with the realities of long COVID and the very real fear of it getting worse that I was scared into remembering, pushing past the exhaustion, and coming to terms with the fact that normal just isn't here right now.

until there's a radical shift in rates of long COVID and the risks of repeat infection, I think attempts at normal are just delaying the inevitable coming to terms with what is.

the reason I am so outspoken about all of this is reckoning with how different my experience of my body is now. all the pain in it that wasn't there before. the dizziness. the brain fog. the way everything is just 50% harder than it used to be. and I'm one of the lucky ones. I have at least been able to find management of some symptoms, resolution of others. but it took so long and it requires constant maintenance to keep everything working as it should mostly, I don't want the people I care for to have to learn the hard way. that helps motivate me past the fear, exhaustion, and hopelessness I can feel at times.

you know what also really motivates me? the knowledge that the machine of capitalism and individualism wants us to not mask.

wants us to mill about, spitting into each others mouths, getting sick, not calling in for work, not daring to throw a single wrench in the gears. work. consume. work. consume. all short sighted and without regard for the health and well being of it's people as long as the money keeps flowing. it treats our health and well being the same way it treats our environment.

I am motivated by my spite for that machine. that same machine that swept HIV under the rug. the machine that is not only apathetic to the deaths of the people it deems worthless, but instrumental in creating that death. every part of me refuses to succumb to death at the hands of the machine that killed our queer elders.

I am also motivated by an intense hope. learning more about disability and COVID justice has also helped provide a vision of a future that isn't just about work consume work consume work consume. it's a potential future I want to try to grow into. one that I'm so damn inspired by. to get a glimpse into what that future could be, I highly recommend reading The Future is Disabled by @thellpsx

I then shared a poem: A Poem In Which the Word COVID-19 Is Replaced by Capitalism

I really appreciate your thorough responses and thoughts, one thing I feel like people don't understand is that disability is inevitable, it is something that happens to all of us, some earlier and harder than others but it doesn't discriminate though it can target

absolutely! and combined with the fact that COVID can be disabling, it speaks to the importance of us being intentional and conscious of our actions and interdependence. so many exist in a sort of denial regarding disability, the same way many of us also walk through the world in denial of our mortality. we fear that which we can't control, such as the unstoppable passage of time and the way that time and living will inevitably affect our bodies.

Masks are a sensory nightmare for me and I often feel really guilty not wearing them, but I just got so burnt out on it. I was so careful and still ended up with long covid.

that's real. as we enter summer, 1 am remembering how hard wearing a mask can be when the weather is hot. I'm hoping to mitigate some risk by participating in outdoor activities more.

I am sorry you got long COVID. I know how frustrating it can be to do everything by the book and still be put at risk, especially when that risk is due to others not taking precautions.

I feel so guilty about it. I think it's because I feel so lonely and isolated already and I want to see people's faces. It's been making me feel crazy though that people are pretending covid isn't a risk anymore.

it makes sense to struggle with the duality of both those truths - we are social creatures that thrive when we have connection, but that connection isn't inherently safe, and hasn't been for 4 years now. it's such a long time to hold this pain. something that brings me some comfort is knowing that more people are creating spaces where we can access connection more safely, by masking and mandating masks in their spaces. there is no solving the issue that the connection might have to come at the risk of seeing the entire faces of those we're connecting with at all times. and again, it can be about risk mitigation. maybe you can aim to wear masks in group settings, but have maskless hangouts with people one on one provided that feels safe for the both of you.
I think it's important to focus on progress, not perfection. this is a practice and a habit that might take some time to work back into, but it's a little easier when more people join us in this effort. that can help us feel less alone.

another thought.
I got sick with various colds and coughs and potentially COVID (though all my rapid tests were negative) 5 times in 2023 when I wasn't masking regularly, despite being on the more introverted side, primarily working remotely, ordering groceries online (privileges I do not take lightly, which helped prevent however many more infections)
I still got sick 5 times. before having COVID, I would get sick once a year, if that. it had a major impact on my immune system.
I am so grateful to say I haven't been sick once this year, despite all of the socializing that has been required for getting my art business going. the only notable difference is that I mask now.

I don't know how to navigate being considerate of immunocompromised people and balancing a "normal life". I don't think covid is gone but vaccines have made it much safer... do we keep wearing masks forever if covid is forever?

eventually, I think we all need to come to terms with the knowledge that normal as we knew it is over until a better way forward is fought for and forged, together.

and maybe that's a good thing. maybe there are lessons from the pandemic that can guide us into a more equitable future. the pandemic taught us our world can be so much more accessible than it was. a lot of work can be done from home. groceries can be ordered. we can mask in group spaces and public transit as other countries do, and we can reduce the risk of spreading illness to vulnerable people.

I feel like I get to live more now that I'm not sick or fighting off being sick all the time. but maybe that's because I am immunocompromised post-COVID, though I can't say for sure. I don't have any formal diagnoses aside from a shrug

I try to mask in crowds where I cannot maintain 6ft distance. But I will not mask if I'm afraid the crowd I am going to be in may contain hostile people. If I can maintain a consistent distance, I will forgo the mask. Masks are also expensive and plastic so l struggle with eco-guilt and money fears.

re: money fears around masks and tests because that is REAL: if you're in CO, there's @covidsafecolorado as a potential resource of tests, masks, and masked events! go to their website and there are instructions on how to order free masks. if you're not in Colorado, you can find your local mask bloc at
@ MASKBLOC.ORG it's true that masks do involve a lot of waste. I'm planning on getting a flo mask at some point but I know those are prohibitively expensive for many people. I wonder if there are financial resources for high grade reusable masks.

alright friends. I appreciate you engaging in this conversation, sharing where you're at with regard to COVID, and hearing me out. I want to be clear I hear and understand where a lot of y'all are at. and I hope some of what I shared helped provide access to resources or new ways of thinking about all of this so that we can start planting seeds for a safer future for ourselves and those around us in a way that feels sustainable. at the very least, thank you for sharing your thoughts as it helps ease some of the frustrations I've felt toward the general non-masking state of the world we're in. due to the fact that I must sleep now and I won't have much bandwidth this week, I'm pausing this conversation as far as my story goes. however, I encourage you to continue this conversation on your platforms and in your circles. don't underestimate what your words can accomplish in your immediate community and beyond.

To answer the second question, if my community pushes me to and my family wants me to. If it would be best for someone in my community than I will do that and try to work through my own issues to keep them healthy.

I can assure you that, whether or not the people in your life know it, you masking does help keep them safe and healthy. there has been a slew of misinformation and downplaying of COVID's severity that has led a lot of people to experience a false sense of security. and there might be people in your life who are afraid to say something. I often feel nervous to advocate for COVID precautions in my circles because I feel like such a drag for saying "can we not eat inside?" "can we do an outdoor hangout?" etc. etc. I feel crazy being the only one worried about this, and I feel less crazy when others also share the same precautions or at least ask and say "hey would you feel more comfortable if we and that's as someone who is pretty middle of the road with COVID safety. I still go to events, meetings, etc. with the only thing between me and others being my mask and my COVID nasal spray. I still say yes to many things, but the times I do say no or request certain precautions, I can't help but feel like I'm just a big ol' bummer. i encourage you to be the proactive one! ask the people in your life what you can all do to keep each other safe and healthy, equipped with accurate knowledge of COVID, long COVID, and the risks of repeat infection.

I have a hard time wearing a mask because I'm autistic and have sensory issues; wearing a mask for more than like 5-10 mins is excruciating for me, as much as I wish it wasn't the case.

I realized I missed a few messages from last night and I don't want to leave anyone on read. all the messages I missed expressed something similar to this one.

I struggle with overstimulation as well. masks, especially in warm weather, can be so hard. the resulting acne that sometimes happens for me with masks also creates its own sort of hell for my skin picking issues. i absolutely see how it can be a barrier - I was relieved when I didn't "have to" wear them anymore.

I know it can be hard to balance immediate discomfort with the potential of future discomfort, but the reason I mask despite disliking the sensation is because I now know what a sensory hell my body is now, post-repeat infections. as someone with health anxiety, it compounds. I mask because I don't want it to get worse.

I had chest pain so persistent and terrifying I took myself to urgent care multiple times for ECGs through 2021 and 2022. the weird heart pounding sensations that would echo through my body for months kept me up at night. I have persistent pain that floats through my abdomen, a near constant distraction. the dizziness that plagued me from November to March, which has only just started to abate, made leaving the house impossible at times.

I can't blame you if masking is too much to bear. it just sucks that the potential consequences of not masking can be their own hell. I hope you can still find a way to stay safe so you don't have to experience it.